08/03/2024 monthly update~~~ im still in hetalia. accepted i am deeply fascinated by america as a concept. they turned him into an anime boy so i kept thinking about how to funnel my faraway gaze of america into a boy or girl. i hope he never becomes a man or woman! anyways. i don't know what else to say. everyday my primary thought is hetalia, i almost forgot what it was like to have such a "fixation". now im forgetting what it's like to not have one. focusing on other things feel hard, or just stupid to even attempt. i just embrace it, maybe to my own detriment... don't really think about what's good or bad for me. education is still umm well..... i feel like i find it hard to function as a normal human, or at least a useful part of society, but its not something i really ponder or care for that much. i feel a little guilty about it but im more at ease when i just think about stupid things i really like (like hetalia), so it really is an easy choice when it comes to what i should think about. i want to say i plan on improving but i dont know. feels like i never change anyways. i dont feel dreadful about this often, i usually feel dreadful when i rly think i am different from other people. i dont think im that different but i feel that i am that different, like a kind of cognitive dissonance. rationally i know theres many many people similar to me. im a little scared ill feel very lonely and isolated but i think ill end up fine somehow. ill just draw hetalia